Saturday, October 24, 2009

Bobby's Reality Show

Seed Time Game Show, Number 7

Voice: Welcome to the Sow Your Seed Game Show with your favorite hostesses and mine, Bobby Bling and Chloe Starr!

(Chloe Starr and Bobby Bling enter to cheering audience and game show music.)

Bobby: And today we have something really special in store for you kids.

Chloe: (Surprised) We do?

Bobby: Absolutely. Today it’s time for the REALITY Seed Time Show. (Getting more excited as she continues.) The show where ravenous man-eating alligators are waiting to catch you if you fall off the bridge made of fraying rope and rotten planks that you have to cross in the middle of the rainforest while you try to get to the offering box on the other side. (Builds with the drama until the end when she realizes that Chloe is just not visualizing this with her.) What?

Chloe: What? Who on earth is going to try something that impossible?

Bobby: Well...(Still dramatic) would you believe they have to get past two possums waiting by the highway on the way to church?

Chloe: (Rolling her eyes.) Not really.

Bobby: Okay...(Still dramatic) how about if they have to get past a crew member holding a stick horse as you...?

Chloe: Bobby, this IS a reality show, but it’s about really trusting God with your tithe and

Bobby: Hey, it’s all about ratings. I was just trying to liven things up a little.

Chloe: Bobby, you liven things up just by being you. Believe me. Kids, are you ready for the Sow Your Seed Game Show? (Response) This is your big chance to REALLY win kid cash by REALLY answering questions about sowing. Bobby, you can ask the first question.

Bobby: Cool. Here it is. Where can you put your seed if you want it to be safe? 1) In God’s kingdom, 2) in your piggy bank, or 3) in your favorite sock. (Waits for children to answer.) Right! The only place where the thief can’t steal or the moth destroy your seed is in God’s kingdom. It’s where your seed belongs!

Chloe: Here’s question number two. After the farmer plants his seed, what does he do? A) Goes out for an ice cream cone, B) goes to bed and rests, or C) panics and runs in circles. (Waits for response.) Correct. He goes to bed. The farmer knows that God causes the seed to grow, and once it’s planted, he can trust God to take over from there.

Bobby: Last question. What kind of giver does God love? A) A grumpy giver, B) a okay-only-if-I-have-to giver, or C) a cheerful giver. (Choose a child to answer) You’re right! God loves a cheerful giver. You can be cheerful when you give because you know that God will bless you right back. You can’t out-give God.

Chloe: That’s all the time we have today. Thanks for coming to the Sow Your Seed Game Show.

Bobby: The show without alligators, rickety bridges, or jungles. (To Chloe) Don’t you think we could add a jungle or two for excitement? I think a jungle would be cool. There would be monkeys, and elephants, and tigers, and...(keeps up dialogue while being pulled off stage.)

Chloe: (Dragging Bobby off stage while shaking her head.) Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

God's God Your Back

The Lilies of the Field

(Nick enters the room wearing a trench coat, Sherlock hat, and glasses and fake mustache. He's whispering loudly to the kids.)

Nick: Remember, you didn't see me. It's like I'm not even here. Pretend I'm someone you don't want to know.

Nathaniel: (Walks up behind Nick and taps him on the shoulder.) Hi, Nick.

Nick: (Screams and jumps away because he's so startled.) AUUUUGGGHH! Don't DO that to me!

Nathaniel: You mean, don't say, "hi?"

Nick: No, I mean don't sneak up on me that way.

Nathaniel: I wasn't sneaking. You're usually not so touchy.

Nick: Yeah, well usually I'm not hiding out from a sister who is going to get me. How did you know who I was?

Nathaniel: Sherlock Holmes wasn't a thirteen-year-old kid.

Nick: Good point. (While he is facing Nathaniel, Erik comes up behind him.)

Erik: Hi, Nick.

Nick: (Again so startled he screams and jumps) AUUUUUGGGHHH!

Erik: What's the matter with you?

Nick: Don't DO that! I'm hiding out from my sister.

Erik: What did you do this time?

Nick: I found this awful shocking pink paint in the garage. While Susanna was visiting our grandma, I repainted her room. I'm going under cover so she can’t find me. (Starts laughing) She's supposed to be back any minute. I'm pretty sure we'll hear the explosion from here. (Laughs)

Nathaniel: I can't believe you did that.

Erik: She's going to cream you.

Susan: (Coming up behind Nick) Cream who?

Nick: AUUUUUGHHH! (Jumping halfway across the room again and clutching his heart.) I don't think I can take much more of this.

Susan: Are you going to a costume party?

Nick: (Big sigh) NO! This is my disguise.

Susan: (Aside to the kids while pointing at Nick) Weirdo. (Back to Nick) And you look so nice. By the way, you should be getting home. Your Mom is planning a welcome back party for Susanna. You should see how she re-decorated her room. It's shocking pink with awesome white and green accents. Susanna is going to be thrilled because she picked out the paint herself before they went away. It was in the garage. (Checks watch) Ooh. I better get going. Bye!

Nathaniel: I'd say someone up there was looking for Susanna. What do you think, Nick?

Erik: (Sarcastic) Someone BIG? Like GOD? Ya think?

Nick: (Hitting his head with his hand or any convenient hard object) It's that lilies of the field and birds of the air thing. They don't do any work, but God's taking care of them. Susanna leaves town, and God's got her back. I should have known my evil plan would backfire. I guess we might as well go to the party.

(As they leave.)

Erik: (To Nathaniel as they exit.) Oooh. Do you think they’ll have cake? I love cake.

Nick: (Following grimly behind.) Traitor.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

You Have the Authority!

Twin Trouble

(Nick enters with a pool noodle in each hand and collapses on the floor while Susan and Susanna look on.)

Susanna: I hope you’re clean, Nick. I don’t think mom wants you getting her freshly mopped floor all messed up.

Nick: (gasping for air) Thanks for your concern, I’ll be fine in a minute.

Chrissy: What happened to you?

Nick: The Thompson twins, Mike and Ike.

Chrissy: (brings her hands up to her face with a little scream) Not Ike the Terrible and Mike the Monster! Your kidding.

Susanna: Oh, man. I remember the last time I had to babysit them. The twins kept shooting me with those suction cup arrows. While Mike had me pinned down behind the sofa, Ike tore the arms off every doll I had.

Chrissy: That’s nothing. Once when I was watching them, they tied me to a chair because they were practicing their boy scout knot-tying. While I was trying to get out, Ike decided to earn his cooking badge by making his version of a cake with everything he could find in the cupboards. We still have macaroni and cheese stuck to the ceiling because it exploded. If my mom hadn’t come home at that moment, I’d have been a gonner. She made them clean it up, but we still can’t get it off the ceiling.

Susanna: Wow! Your mom’s good. So, Nick, are you done watching them?

Nick: Not really. They’re sleeping. This time they decided to play noodle wars, and I was the enemy. They kept running around hitting me and everything in the room. I was afraid they were going to break some of mom’s lamps. Finally they collapsed from exhaustion in the living room. I left them snoring where they dropped.

Chrissy: Those were the days! I don’t have any problems with them any more. They’re as good as gold when they come to my house.

Susanna: No way!

Chrissy: My mom taught me that I have power over the things I am responsible for. Remember that story about Jesus on the sea with the disciples. Jesus could sleep even during the storm because He knew he had power over the storm. God has given me that same power. And when it comes to Mike and Ike, I know that when they’re under my authority because their parents have given me that power for the time they're gone. The twins have to obey me. Once they knew that I knew that, I didn’t have any more problems with them.

Susanna: You have got to teach me that trick. Nick, when do their parents pick them up?

Nick: In about an hour.

Chrissy: Maybe we should go watch them sleep. You never know with those guys. They could wake up any minute.

Nick: Yeah, and if they see you when they wake up, their reign of terror will be over.

Chrissy: And you’ll never have to worry again, because you are the one in charge.

Nick: I’ll remember that.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Bobby Goes for Kid Cash

Seed Time Game Show, Part 6

(Bobby Bling comes out disguised as a child.)

Bobby: Today I’m finally going to win some Kid Cash so I can go shopping! I can’t wait! (Bobby sits down in a chair to pretend to be a child.)

Voice: Welcome to the Sow Your Seed Game Show with your favorite hostesses and mine, Bobby Bling and Chloe Starr!

(Chloe Starr enters to cheering audience and game show music.)

Chloe: (Calling backstage.) Bobby? Bobby? Are you back there? (Gives up.) Oh well, I guess she couldn’t be here today. Boys and girls, it’s time for the Sow Your Seed Game Show. Are you ready? (Response) Great! This is your big chance to win kid cash by answering questions about sowing.

It looks like I’ll be the only person asking you questions today, so here’s the first one: When you sow your seed, what will it do? A) Turn into a pizza, B) never come up, or C) grow into the same thing you planted.

Bobby: (Jumping out of her seat and waving her hand wildly.) Oh! Oh!

Chloe: Sorry, uh...little...girl. I can’t choose someone who is jumping out of her seat. (Chooses a different child to answer while Bobby sits down grumpily.) That’s right. The answer is, your seed will grow into the same thing you planted. Question number two is, what place is the safest for your seed? The choices are A) in the bank, B) in God’s kingdom, or C) under your pillow.

Bobby: (Stays in her seat this time, but isn’t quiet.) Pick me! Pick me!

Chloe: Sorry, little girl. I can’t choose someone who is yelling, “Pick me!” You have to sit quietly and raise your hand in order to be called on. (Chooses someone else while Bobby once again sits down grumpily.) That’s right! The answer is, in God’s kingdom. Whatever we put into God’s kingdom is safe. No one can steal it, and it can’t rust or wear out. It’s the best place to put a seed.

Bobby: I never thought of putting it under my pillow.

Chloe: Now it’s time for the last question.

Bobby: (Bragging to all the kids around her that she’ll get this one.) I’m going to get this one. Just watch me.

Chloe: If I sow one tiny seed, what kind of harvest can I expect to see? A) an enormous harvest that I don’t have room for, B) a medium sized harvest, or C) a little harvest.

Bobby: (Hand immediately shoots straight up, but one hand is over her mouth so she won’t say anything while her eyes are bugging out.)

Chloe: (Points at Bobby.) What is the answer, little girl?

Bobby: (Confidently) A medium-sized harvest.

Chloe: Sorry, that’s not the answer. (Chooses someone else while Bobby reels in shock.) What is the answer? That’s right! The answer is C. However you sow, that’s the way you’ll reap. If you have lots of seed but you only plant a little, you will have a little harvest. But if you sow a lot, then the harvest will be big too. That’s the way God set up seed time and harvest on the earth. (Looks at Bobby.) You know, you look very familiar.

Bobby: (Uncomfortable. Stands up nervously and starts to edge away.) Oh, lots of people say that to me. Hey, I hear my mom calling. Good-bye! (Rushes out of the class.)

Chloe: I’m sure I’ve seen her before. Thanks for coming to Sow Your Seed. See you next time! (Exits.)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A Little Help, Please?

Divide and Conquer

(Susanna, reading a book, and Savannah, playing a video game, and Jonathon, playing catch with a baseball, are in the room, each doing their own thing. Nick rushes on stage dressed in an apron and holding a feather duster and cleaning supplies. He’s frantic because his mom says he has to finish cleaning or he can go to his ball game.)

Nick: Okay, what do I have to do? Dust, sweep, vacuum...AAUUUGGHH! How will I ever get it all done in time to go to the game?

Savannah: Hey, could you keep it down? I’m trying to get to one million points on Lego Star Wars. You’re throwing off my concentration.

Susanna: Yeah, how do you expect me to read with all that going on.

Nick: For your information, I’m trying to CLEAN! Mom told me I have to finish this or I can’t go to my baseball game. I’m LOUD because I’m FRUSTRATED. I can’t do this alone and make it to the game. (Looks at Jonathon) Got a problem with that?

Jonathon: Hey, don’t look at me. I’m just playing catch while I wait for you.

Savannah: You know, if you let us help, you’ll definitely get done in time for the game.

Susanna: What are you saying? I’m at the most exciting part of the book!

Jonathon: Do you mean work?

Savannah: When you have a big job and you split it up between a lot of people, everyone gets done quickly. It’s a lot easier that way.

Susanna: Easier for who?

Savannah: Oh, come on. Isn’t that what you’d like someone to do for you?

Susanna: Yeah, I guess so.

Jonathon: Yeah, I wouldn’t want to be stuck with all this by myself. What should we do?

Savannah: Let’s each take something to do, and we’ll finish in no time. Then you guys can go to your game, (to Susanna) you can finish your book, and I can get one million points and set a new Lego Star Wars record!

Nick: I like it. Let’s do it! (All grab supplies and walk off stage)

Parallel Adventure: Paul on Malta

Snake Bite!

Props: Two backpacks, camp pots and pans, a first aid kit, two sleeping bags or blankets tied up in rolls. Ipod would be good.

(Kids troop onto stage, tired after a long hike.)

Nick: I can’t believe I agreed to come on a camping trip with you guys. Where are the video games? Where’s the big screen TV? My ipod charge is out. How will I ever survive? (Pretends to faint on the ground.)

Susanna: Get up, Nick! You’re supposed to be one of the tough guys breaking a trail for the rest of us.

Savannah: (Yanking Susanna back) Watch out! Is that poison ivy?

Susanna: (Snaps fingers) Nick, go see if that’s poison ivy.

Nick: What?! What do I look like? No, wait. Don’t answer that.

Israel: This place looks like a good place to camp. I can see the lake down below. Let’s set up here.

(All start dropping gear and arranging things.)

Savannah: We’ll need wood for a fire so we can cook our food.

Susanna: (Snaps fingers) Nick, get the firewood.

Nick: (Frustrated because Susanna keeps telling him what to do.) What is this?! (Pauses as he has an idea.)’re right, Susanna. I’ll get the firewood. (Voice loaded with hidden meaning.) Hey, Israel. Why don’t you help me.

(Boys disappear off stage.)

Susanna: (Sighs) Good help is so hard to find.

Savannah: Well, some day you’ll have him trained.

Susanna: Yeah, there’s always hope.

(Boys come back on stage. Israel is helping Nick, who is limping.)

Susanna: (Anxious) What happened?

Nick: (Gasping it out) Snake bite! I can barely walk. It was in the firewood.

Israel: (Overacting) Right! It was two feet...(Nick elbows him) uh...ten feet long.

Susanna: Oh no! What should we do? We have to get medical help right away!

Savannah: Let’s see. (Licks her finger and holds it up to catch the wind direction.) The closest hospital is 170 miles due west.

(Everyone looks at her incredulously.)

Savannah: It’s actually 165 miles as the crow flies. (Realizing the looks she’s getting.) What?

Nick: (Still gasping a little as he lays on the ground.) No. It’ll be okay. I read all about snake bites before we came camping. If I can just get warm and eat a good meal, it will draw the venom from my leg, and I’ll survive.

Susanna: (Jumping into action.) Right! Warm! That means a fire. I’ll go get firewood. Food! Savannah, you get that ready.

Savannah: Got it.

(Both girls rush off stage.)

Nick: (Leans back, smiles, and puts his hands behind his head.) Now we can just sit back and enjoy this camping trip while the girls do all the work. Ah! Life is good.

Israel: You know, if they find out you just made this up, they’re going to tie you to a tree, pour honey on you, and leave you for the ants and bears. Personally, I’d rather have the bears. I hate ants.

Nick: What are the odds that they’ll figure this out? They’re girls!

(Girls rush back in with an adult.)

Savannah: Nick! Nick! Guess what! We found a doctor. She was hiking just down the trail.

(Nick and Israel freeze, panic on their faces.)

Israel: Uh...I think I’ll go forage for food. Which way, Savannah? (Leaves with the girls.)

Nick: I’ll go too!

Doctor: Don’t move! If it’s a snake bite, I need to check you out first. (Starts to check Nick’s ankle.) Hey, ever hear of Paul? He was a believer who told everyone about Jesus back in the Bible times. He got a snake bite too.

Nick: Really? What happened?

Doctor: Paul was shipwrecked on the island of Malta while they were taking him to Caesar. The natives of Malta were friendly, but after being shipwrecked, Paul, the Roman soldiers, and the crew were all wet and cold when they crawled up on the beach.

Nick: So they needed a campfire to get warm?

Doctor: Yep. Paul started to get the firewood. He didn’t know it, but there was a deadly snake in the firewood that he picked up. The snake slithered out and chomped right down on his hand.

Nick: But I didn’t think Paul died from a snakebite.

Doctor: He didn’t. The natives were sure he would, so they watched, waiting for him to fall over dead. But Paul just shook the snake off into the fire and was fine. The power of God inside of Paul was greater than that snake’s poisonous venom. Paul’s protection came from God. No weapon formed against him could prosper. (Pausing) You know, I can’t find anything like a snake bite on your leg. Are you sure that you got a snake bite?

Nick: (Nervously making a whispered confession.) Okay, Doc. There wasn’t a snake. I was just trying to get out of doing the chores. Did you ever have a sister? She is soooo bossy.

(All other kids rush back in.)

Susanna: We found some blackberries, but...Israel ate them.

Israel: (Defensive) I had to be sure they were okay.

Doctor: That’s all right. I think Nick will be okay after all. But he has some things he wants to tell you. Right, Nick?

Susanna: I’m so relieved!

Nick: I guess so. Thanks, Doc.

Doctor: Don’t mention it. Have a great camping trip, guys. Remember, you have protection! No weapon formed against you can prosper.

All: Thanks! Bye!

Forgiveness Is Yours

Always Forgiven

(Nick wants to impress his dad and give him a hand-made bird feeder for Christmas, but when he uses the table saw, it quits working and he’s afraid to tell his dad. Worried Nick is pacing back and forth telling Drew about it.)

Nick: Uh oh! I was cutting out the pieces when all of a sudden it quit working and the light over the workbench went out too! I don’t even know what I did, but I think I might have broken more than the table saw.

Susanna: (Entering with Savannah.) Ha! I heard that. Boy, are you in trouble. The lights on the Christmas tree quit working too.

Nick: Oh, come on, Susanna. Don’t tell Dad. I was trying to make him a Christmas present. Drew’s going to help me fix it.

Drew: Don’t count on it, pal. I don’t know anything about table saws except how to change the blade, and I’m only allowed to do that when my dad or big brothers are with me.

Susanna: Just wait till Dad gets home. I’m telling, and you’re going to get it big time. I hope I get to watch.

Savannah: Susanna! You’re being mean. Come on. It’s Christmas. Give the guy a break, will you?

Susanna: Why? He never gives me a break. Serves him right for all the stuff I have to put up with when he’s bugging me.

Drew: Nick, I think you should just tell your dad yourself. How bad can it be?

Nick: Well, first I’d have to tell him that I used his saw without permission. Then I’d have to tell him why. That would ruin his Christmas present. Not to mention I’d probably be grounded forever.

Susanna: I wish!

Savannah: Come on, Nick. Your dad wouldn’t ground you for a year. Just tell him. It might not be as bad as it looks.

Drew: She’s right, Nick. Your dad loves you, and you know he’ll get over it even if he does get mad. Besides, if you don’t tell him, Susanna’s going to anyway.

Nick: Yeah. I guess you’re right. I might as well face up to it. I wonder how much a new table saw and some new lights cost. Maybe I could mow the lawn for the next twenty years to pay for it.

Susanna: Hey! Dad’s pulling in the driveway. Tell you what, Nick. If you tell him right away, then I won’t.

Nick: (Depressed.) Great. Thanks, Susanna. Say, could all you guys give us a little time alone, please?

All: Sure, Nick. (They all exit as “Dad” walks in.)

Dad: Hi, guys. Did you all play in the snow today?

Drew: Not much yet.

Nick: Dad, can I talk to you alone for a minute?

Dad: Sure, son. What’s up?

Nick: Well, I wanted it to be a surprise, but I think I broke your table saw.

Dad: Wait. You wanted to surprise me by breaking my table saw?

Nick: Uh, no. That’s not what I mean. I wanted to surprise you with a hand-made Christmas present, but I broke your table saw and I think some other things too.

Dad: So you were using my table saw without permission? Or did you ask your mom?

Nick: No, I didn’t ask her either. I guess I should have. I’m sorry, Dad. I promise I’ll pay for everything!

Dad: You know, Nick, those rules about using my tools are for your safety. The table saw can be very dangerous. What happened?

Nick: Well, I was cutting out the pieces I needed to assemble my project when the saw quit working and the light went out. I flipped the switch back and forth, but it wouldn’t turn on again. And now Susanna says the lights went out on the tree too.

Dad: Oh, I see. Well, I don’t think you’ll have to work forever to pay it off. Look, Nick. I love you very much. There’s nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you, and I’ll always forgive you. In fact, I forgive you even before you ask me to. But I am glad you chose to be honest about what happened. Now, there are a few things you need to do to fix this problem, and I’ll show you how to do it.

Nick: But Dad! That ruins your Christmas present!

Dad: Did you tell your mom what it is?

Nick: No. Why?

Dad: Could you make it a present for her?

Nick: I guess so. It’s supposed to be a bird feeder.

Dad: Great idea. I’d love that, but so would your mom. Tell you what. You can make it for her, and I’ll help you with the tools. Now, let’s go reset that circuit breaker you blew out.