Is There a Doctor in the House?

Double Doctor Trouble

Susan is a reporter who is on a late-breaking story of a woman who was just healed by Jesus. She is trying to get an interview. Meanwhile, Justinicus and Nickilicus are famous doctors who are sure Susan’s there to interview them about their amazing cures for people.

Susan: (Holding microphone) This is Susan On the Spot with a late, breaking story, folks. Word has it that a woman who was sick for 12 years has just been healed in one moment by Jesus Himself. I’m hoping to get an exclusive interview so we can hear the whole story first hand.

Justinicus: Excuse me, did you just say you were a reporter?

Susan: Why, yes, I’m Susan On the...

Justinicus: Allow me to introduce myself. I am the greatest doctor ever, Justinicus of Rome. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?

Susan: Uh, no. I’m looking for a woman who...

Justinicus: Just another happy client, of course?

Susan: Well, no...

Justinicus: An unhappy client? Not even possible!

Susan: I’m here to interview...

Nickilicus: Did you day the word “interview?” Are you a reporter?

Susan: I’m Susan On The Spot, and I’m here to interview...

Nickilicus: Me, of course. I’m the greatest doctor that ever walked the face of the earth.

Susan: I’m looking for a woman...

Nickilicus: Who was healed by me, of course. They’re probably all over the place. Just pick any fair citizen of this happy town, and they’ll have great things to say about me.

Justinicus: (Tapping Nickilicus on the shoulder) Don’t you mean you’re the second greatest doctor on earth. I’m the greatest.

Nickilicus: (Trying to be courteous) No, you see, everyone says that I’m the greatest.

Justinicus: Then you must be talking to the wrong everyones, because I’m the greatest.

Nickilicus: You want a piece of me.

Justinicus: Bring it on.

Justinicus and Nickilicus start to box quietly to the side of the stage. They are both AWFUL at it, and trip, fall, and lurch past each other as they try to fight. Keep this low key, since Susan will be interviewing the woman and we want most of the focus on them.

Susan: (To woman who is passing) Excuse me, I’m looking for a woman who was healed by Jesus recently.

Woman: That’s me. Thank God!

Susan: How did it happen?

Woman: I had been sick for so many years that I used all my money to pay doctors, but it didn’t do any good. I was still sick. In fact, because of the kind of sickness, I wasn’t supposed to be around other people.

Susan: How awful. Then what happened?

Woman: I heard that Jesus was passing by, and that He had healed so many other people. I just knew that He would heal me too. I kept on saying to myself, “If I can just touch the hem of his robe, I’ll be healed."

Susan: You mean you didn’t even think you’d have to have Jesus stop and pray for you?

Woman: I knew that healing power was in Jesus, and if I could just touch Him, that power would heal me. So I squirmed my way through the crowd, touch his robe, and I was healed.

Susan: What did Jesus do?

Woman: Jesus said he felt the power go out of Him, so He stopped and found out it was me. At first I was frightened that He knew, but He wasn’t angry. He said that my faith had made me well.

Susan: That’s wonderful!

Woman: Praise God! He is so good. He wants every person to be healed and made whole. Isn’t that awesome?

The two doctors lurch to the center of the stage by the woman, who sees them and chases them out of the room.

Woman: You? and YOU? Aren’t you the ones who promised I’d be healed in no time? You took all my money and I was still sick. I’m going to get you! (Chases them out of the room.)

Susan: This has been Susan On The Spot with another breaking story from the Bible.

Watch Out for the Tourists!

Who’s the Greatest?

(Nick and Susanna come on stage in a heated argument.)

Susanna: Look. You are absolutely nuts if you think that Mom and Dad love you more than me. I am the best child on the planet. I almost never get into trouble, and I don’t wreck other people’s stuff when they’re not around.

Nick: You look, Susanna. Just because a child doesn’t occasionally try her parent’s patience doesn’t automatically mean that she is her Mom and Dad’s favorite.

Susanna: Occasionally? If just about every day means occasionally, then I suppose that would fit your definition.

Nick: Okay miss goody two shoes. It so happens that when Mom and Dad talk to me, even about the things that I’ve done wrong, they always tell me that although they aren’t happy about what I did, it doesn’t make any difference in their love for me.

(Susan walks on stage unnoticed at this point.)

Susanna: Hey I know that which is why I say they love me more. I do my chores without being told to. I obey most of the time. And Mom and Dad have both told me that they love me regardless of my behavior. But, they don’t have to love me in spite of my behavior like they do with you. So there! (she sticks her tongue out at him.)

Susan: Oh, I can’t wait to hear what this is all about. You two have the weirdest arguments.

Nick: I told her that Mom and Dad love me more, Mom was very pleased with the job I did of painting Susanna’s room while she was gone. She was glad that I had done it because it saved her so much time. She wasn’t even sure she would have the time to get it done.

Susanna: And I told him that Mom and Dad love me more because I’m not such a pain. I don’t get into trouble almost every day.

Nick: I don’t get into trouble almost every day. I went four days this week without even getting caught doing one thing wrong. So there (he sticks his tongue out at Susanna.)

Susan: You two are unbelievable! Don’t you realize that you are both saying that your mom and dad love you regardless of your behavior, but in the same breath you’re saying that your behavior does make a difference.

Susanna: Well it does a little, doesn’t it?

Susan: Nope. When Jesus’ disciples were arguing about who would be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, He took a little child and set them in front of them. He said that unless they believed like that little child, they would not even enter the kingdom of heaven. And whoever humbled himself like that little child would be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Nick: So what does that have to do with us?

Susan: Well, neither one of you is acting very humble right now. And the important point He was making was that it was believing and being humble that mattered. He didn’t want the disciples to think that they could earn their way into heaven.

Nick: Oh.

Susanna: Oh.

Susan: Yeah, oh. So now do you think you can stop arguing about who is the greatest, or who is loved the most?

Susanna: I guess so. That was kind of foolish, wasn’t it. I apologize for arguing with you Nick. Will you forgive me?

Nick: Yes, I forgive you Susanna, after all forgiveness is a part of being humble. And if there’s anything I know about, it’s how to be humble.

Susan & Susanna: Oh no!

Susan: Let’s get out of here before another argument starts.

Susanna: Yeah, let’s. (they exit)

Nick: What?! What did I say? I’m the most humble guy I know. You have to be humble to take all the big talks I get from Dad. (he starts walking after them.) Where are you guys going? Don’t you agree that I’m the most humble person you know….

How To Be Great

Who’s the Greatest?

(Nick and Susanna come on stage in a heated argument.)

Susanna: Look. You are absolutely nuts if you think that Mom and Dad love you more than me. I am the best child on the planet. I almost never get into trouble, and I don’t wreck other people’s stuff when they’re not around.

Nick: You look, Susanna. Just because a child doesn’t occasionally try her parent’s patience doesn’t automatically mean that she is her Mom and Dad’s favorite.

Susanna: Occasionally? If just about every day means occasionally, then I suppose that would fit your definition.

Nick: Okay miss goody two shoes. It so happens that when Mom and Dad talk to me, even about the things that I’ve done wrong, they always tell me that although they aren’t happy about what I did, it doesn’t make any difference in their love for me.

(Susan walks on stage unnoticed at this point.)

Susanna: Hey I know that which is why I say they love me more. I do my chores without being told to. I obey most of the time. And Mom and Dad have both told me that they love me regardless of my behavior. But, they don’t have to love me in spite of my behavior like they do with you. So there! (she sticks her tongue out at him.)

Susan: Oh, I can’t wait to hear what this is all about. You two have the weirdest arguments.

Nick: I told her that Mom and Dad love me more, Mom was very pleased with the job I did of painting Susanna’s room while she was gone. She was glad that I had done it because it saved her so much time. She wasn’t even sure she would have the time to get it done.

Susanna: And I told him that Mom and Dad love me more because I’m not such a pain. I don’t get into trouble almost every day.

Nick: I don’t get into trouble almost every day. I went four days this week without even getting caught doing one thing wrong. So there (he sticks his tongue out at Susanna.)

Susan: You two are unbelievable! Don’t you realize that you are both saying that your mom and dad love you regardless of your behavior, but in the same breath you’re saying that your behavior does make a difference.

Susanna: Well it does a little, doesn’t it?

Susan: Nope. When Jesus’ disciples were arguing about who would be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, He took a little child and set them in front of them. He said that unless they believed like that little child, they would not even enter the kingdom of heaven. And whoever humbled himself like that little child would be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Nick: So what does that have to do with us?

Susan: Well, neither one of you is acting very humble right now. And the important point He was making was that it was believing and being humble that mattered. He didn’t want the disciples to think that they could earn their way into heaven.

Nick: Oh.

Susanna: Oh.

Susan: Yeah, oh. So now do you think you can stop arguing about who is the greatest, or who is loved the most?

Susanna: I guess so. That was kind of foolish, wasn’t it. I apologize for arguing with you Nick. Will you forgive me?

Nick: Yes, I forgive you Susanna, after all forgiveness is a part of being humble. And if there’s anything I know about, it’s how to be humble.

Susan & Susanna: Oh no!

Susan: Let’s get out of here before another argument starts.

Susanna: Yeah, let’s. (they exit)

Nick: What?! What did I say? I’m the most humble guy I know. You have to be humble to take all the big talks I get from Dad. (he starts walking after them.) Where are you guys going? Don’t you agree that I’m the most humble person you know….

Professor Math

Seed Time Game Show, Number 8

Voice: Welcome to the Sow Your Seed Game Show with your favorite hostesses and mine, Bobby Bling and Chloe Starr!

(Chloe Starr and Bobby Bling enter to cheering audience and game show music.)

Chloe: Hi kids. Today we have an extra-special guest on our show. I’d like to introduce—

Bobby: ME! (Bobby steps out and takes a bow)

Chloe: Um, no, it’s not you, Bobby.

Bobby: (Shocked) Who could be more extra-special than me?

Chloe: Key word, Bobby. GUEST! This is not someone who normally is on our show.

Bobby: (Disappointed) Oh.

Chloe: Today Professor Math is here to help us with our tithing and offering questions. Professor Math, come on out!

Professor Math: (Dressed in Einstein wig, mustache, lab coat and large calculator.) Yes, it is I, Professor Math, to solve all your math questions.

Bobby: (Still grumpy because she’s not the special guest. Sounds bored.) How exciting.

Chloe: (Giving Bobby a poke to help her shape up.) It is exciting to have you, Professor Math. Are you ready to race the kids in getting the right answer to our tithing and offering questions today?

Professor Math: I am!

Chloe: First question. Boys and girls, out of every dollar, which dime belongs to God? A) The first dime, B) the second dime, or C) the last dime. Who has the answer first?

Professor Math: (Working on his calculator) Let’s see, you take the cosine of the tangent and cross multiply by the logarithm and... (By the time he finished, the kids already know the answer.)

Chloe: (Choosing a child to answer) That’s right. The very first dime out of every dollar belongs to God.

Professor Math: (Obviously not finished with his calculations, but agreeing anyway.) Uh...right...yes, that’s right. Very good, little boy/girl.

Bobby: (Rolling her eyes.) Second question. My mom gives me ten dollars for raking leaves. What should I do with the first dollar? A) Buy an ice cream cone, B) go to a movie, or C) give it to God as my tithe.

Professor Math: (Doesn’t realize that he doesn’t need a calculator for this one.) This time I’m going to divide by x and multiply by z in order to get the square root of y plus m, resulting in the function of...

Bobby: (Choosing a child to answer) Right again! The answer is C. We always give the first tenth, which is called the tithe, to God. We give to God from the first of all our produce.

Professor Math: (Still trying to figure it out.) Yes! That’s what I get too. Sort of.

Chloe: Professor Math and kids, are you ready for the last question? When we give the first to God, what does that do? Your choices are: A) it makes God like us better, B) it scares God, or C) it honors God.

Professor Math: (Again with the calculator) I’m going to get this one, boys and girls. You won’t beat me this time. Now, we will subtract the angle of the tangent from the hypotenuse of the Pythagorean theorem, dividing by the supplement of the parallelogram...

Chloe: (Choosing a child to answer) Awesome! The answer is C. It honors God when we give the first to Him, because it shows that we know He is the one who blessed us in the first place and we trust Him.

Professor Math: (Absent minded because he is still working) Uh, yes...very good, children. I think I will take that one home to run through my supper computer.

Chloe: You guys did a great job! Thanks for being our special guest today, Professor Math.

Professor Math: Oh yes. Any time. (Still working.) Where was I? The sine of the multiplied square root of x times b...